Admitting things can be hard. I myself, at 33, nearly 34 trips around the sun am finally allowing myself permission to truly dive deep into what is hidden in my shadow-self. You know what I mean, that dark side of ourselves we all too often hide from. The part of us that holds all the pieces of ourselves that don't sit comfortably with the image we have of ourselves.
Quarantine has helped with that.
I have been given an uncomfortable amount of time with myself. And being in that place has given me permission to come to terms with some hard truths about myself. I have always seen myself as being a very strong person, and in many ways, I am. However, I am also, at times, quite weak. Time and time again throughout my life I have put myself in positions where I have been quite frankly, used or taken advantage of. I've always thought of myself as a leader. And, I can be. Though, at times I have fallen in a position of following blindly due to perceived loyalties or relationships. But, at this point in my life, I refuse to keep repeating old cycles. I've started to set strong boundaries where I normally wouldn't. And I've given myself permission to put myself first. Allowing myself to fight for things that I want for my life, while letting go of what no longer vibrates with me.
Part of growing and evolving is being honest.And sometimes that honesty can take your life in a direction you may have never seen for yourself. I have found myself taking steps back and seeing things with a clearer lens. It hasn't been a comfortable journey, and the picture on the other side of the lens isn't always pleasant. But, that's shadow work. Digging into the uncomfortable truths. I'm very grateful to be in a place where I can safely explore the things I may not yet like about myself. To be able to heal and forgive myself.
I can feel a shift within me, I'm aligned again to fire of my ancestors. And with that fire I march on, paving a new path and a new way. Breaking cycles not just for myself but future generations to come.