Although I was born "psychic" or open to the other side, you would think I would be aware of it. However, that's not the case at all. If I'm being completely honest, I spent quite a bit of time avoiding the idea. Looking back at my childhood with the knowledge I have now, I know my abilities have always been there. But honestly, I was clueless to the fact that it wasn't "normal".
Around 14 or so I starting becoming more aware that something was different. Though, I still didn't know quite what it was. This is when I started to learn that alone time was crucial. If I didn't have time alone I would get extremely overwhelmed. However, I still had no clue what the root of that was. I found myself writing as means to escape. And it worked.
15 was the first time I recall having a clear connection to one of my guides. Though if I'm being completely transparent, it scared me half to death. Up until that point all of my communication had been quite different. My guides came to me as a very Alvin and the chipmunk high frequency voice. But this night, it was very strong and clear. I could feel the breath of his voice on my ear. It was way too much for my adolescent mind to comprehend. I chose to sleep on the couch for months after that. Way too afraid to have it happen again. He seemed to respect that fear and didn't repeat that way of communication.
As I grew older and starting becoming more social, partying and such my gifts became harder to ignore. I would literally become sick and would get overwhelmed with emotions of needing to flee whenever something bad was going to happen. That's when I started trusting myself. It became way too apparent that these feelings weren't simple anxiety. It was a very primal survival alert system of sorts.
The more I acknowledged these instincts the more my guides began to speak up.
I would get warnings in verbal ways about people. Some I wouldn't listen to and would send me on a path to learning some the hardest lessons of my life. But that's a whole different story.
It wasn't until I was about 22 that I finally admitted out loud that I was communicating with something outside of myself. A communication that had always been a part of me that I didn't realize what it was. Truthfully I always thought those thoughts and communications were simply my conscience. It took a good family friend calling me out for being gifted to finally see the truth.
Even then, it took a few years to see things for what it was.
The first moment I couldn't deny how open I was happened with my Abuelo, my dad's dad. The last conversation I had with him, I knew it would be our last. I couldn't explain it even if I tried, but I just knew. He was going in for surgery, so I was wishing him well, but I felt it. I know he felt it too. I didn't know it then, but that's unfortunately one of my gifts. I can sense if death. If I talk to someone or see them, and I won't ever see them again, I feel it. So when I got the call that confirmed my fear, I was devastated. That was the first time that gift had presented itself, but it wasn't the last.
My Abuelo was also apart of the next eye opening event that made me embrace my gifts. I had flown down for his funeral and stayed with my Abuela. After everyone had gone home and it was just us in the house, it happened. I had made it a point to use the bathroom through the kitchen at night as to not wake my grandma while she slept. I was on the phone late one night when the urge struck, so I crept through the living room to the kitchen. There he was, as real and vivid as any living person, yet with an ethereal glow. My grandpa. I stood taking him in, shocked, it was a moment before I realized I had dropped my phone. But he looked exactly how I had remembered him, hat and all. After I reached down to grab my phone, he was gone. I stumbled over my words to trying to explain what had happened to my friend and I couldn't sleep after. I will never forget how matter of fact my grandma was the next day about it. I was so scared to tell her, fearful she would think I was nuts. But she just smiled and said, he wanted to say goodbye. There were quite a few instances after where we would hear pots shuffling in the kitchen. My grandma would always smile and say, "your grandpa is here". I'm so grateful for that. She made me see how it wasn't something to ignore. From that time forward I began to accept all the gifts that came my way. I came to the realization I was tapped into something bigger so I should embrace it openly. I began speaking up when I felt certain things, even if it made no sense to me at the moment. If it felt urgent, I said it. I learned that was spirit sometimes using me to channel a message to someone. I also learned that I can see things before they happen sometimes. So when I get those types of feelings I speak up on those too.
I'd be lying to say I am all knowing. I can say I have the gift of knowing. I can feel things I can't explain and sometimes know things with no idea of how I learned it. But I accept this as a gift. It has proved how right it is time and time again. Yes, I speak to spirit, but it isn't like a phone call. I only know what they share and like people, they all communicate differently.
I do know it took me a very long time to accept things about myself. And it took awhile for me to be open to letting the world know. I know that not everyone will understand me or the gifts I have, and that's okay. My path is not for everyone to understand. I do know I am grateful to be able to be as open as I am. I have amazing support from family and friends. I think it is quite common to be clueless to being spiritually gifted, I am just lucky to be clued in. I feel like there are so many people who are gifted and it's so ingrained in who they are, they can't see it for what it is. My hope is to help those people in anyway I can. Because not knowing can create some crazy confusion.